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Remote Staff ‘should pay more tax’ says Douche Bank

Actual muppets Deutsche Bank propose charging staff who work from home after the pandemic 5% for each day they work remotely, states recent bonkersville article by Joanna Partridge.

Douche Bank posits that the average WFH employee won’t be negatively impacted, because what they save by not commuting or buying overpriced Starbucks sandwiches will even out, somehow.

The report from the German lender’s economic research unit has calculated that such a tax could raise $49bn (£37bn) a year in the United States, €20bn (£17.8bn) in Germany and £7bn in the UK. 

They suggest this could go to help lower income workers by giving them a leg up. Stunningly, their suggestion to push this tax onto employers comes as an afterthought, and there’s no mention of offshore shell games, tax loopholes, or forcing big companies to pay their fair share in taxes.

Never you mind that, specifically Americans, save less than 10% of their income, and 58% of Americans have less than $1k saved in the bank.

Let’s force the people, yet again, to step in for what businesses should already be doing (paying people for the work-risk and their commutes and committing to pay people more), and what governments should already be doing (stimulus stimulus STIMULUS), because heaven forbid anybody saves any money at all, ever.

Amidst a pandemic, that is crushing so many actual people, and helping literal dragons, this not only sounds absolutely bonkers, but tone-deaf as all fuck.

“A big chunk of people have disconnected themselves from the face-to-face world yet are still leading a full economic life. That means remote workers are contributing less to the infrastructure of the economy whilst still receiving its benefits. That is a big problem for the economy.”

The ridiculousness of saying remote workers are “contributing less to the infrastructure of the economy” is absolutely stunning when you consider that actual dragons have managed to grow $637 billion dollars richer during COVID-19 so far.

A daily 5% working from home tax would cost an employee earning £35,000 just under £7 a day, according to Templeman’s calculations. He suggests the £6.9bn raised in the UK by taxing remote workers could provide a grant of £2,000 to the 12% of people aged over 25 who earn the minimum wage.

The absolute audacity to suggest remote workers take on this burden, versus suggesting minimum wage itself be raised, is actually giving me emotional hemorrhoids.

The powerful will look for any goddamn way possible to get out of raising the minimum wage, giving more cash to people who have to potentially expose themselves to COVID-19 in their workplace, or helping those with lower income from their own goddamn pockets.

They will do absolutely anything for this purpose. They will displace the responsibility, and place blame on the shoulders of people who, yes, are also trying to survive.

They will get actual Douche Banks to speak for them. They will completely ignore the mental health strain of long commutes.

They will do anything in their power to not actually put in real effort, such as whole-ass slapping employers until they do the right thing.

As late stage capitalism strikes yet again, where human beings are only important insofar as they consume consume, consume, I cannot help but feel like someone with a grasp on our dire circumstances, a smidgen of empathy, and an understanding of what capitalism is actually about, should have warned Douchecanoe McBank that this was Not The Way.

Silly me, thinking that a Bank’s financial study would do anything more than lovingly shine a boot, to therein lodge it so firmly down its own esophagus, as to crap it out the other side.

Silly me, thinking that the responsibility to provide for those who are placed in harm’s way should be footed by the people who place them in harm’s way for profits.

Silly. Fucking. Me.

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