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FFXIV: ARR Is A Fun, Overwhelmingly Addictive, Absolutely Perfect MMORPG

As many of you may or may not know, I’ve been pretty much gone from social media networks at large for the past few weeks. The reason for this is two-fold: I’m waiting for work to resume when the apocalypse chills (I’m fine, but many small businesses cannot afford my help right now), and I’ve been beasting a video game crafted by Satan himself to tempt me into hell’s warm embrace.

That video game is FFXIV: A Realm Reborn, or the “real” Final Fantasy 14, and it’s really, really fun.

Let me back up, and give you a bit of context first before I dive into why this MMORPG is so much fun, highly irresponsible, and agonizingly wonderful.

Square Enix, MMORPGs, Shitshows & How We Got Here

For those not in the know, FFXIV: A Realm Reborn is a complete upgrade from the original FFXIV. Which apparently was a shit sandwich I managed to avoid eating, plagued with development problems using a clunky patented Square Enix tool that nobody likes, and was promptly yeeted in 2012.

FFXIV: A Realm Reborn is a game crafted with the compounded knowledge of what made FFXI such a shitshow and why FFXIV’s original iteration was an epic fail—all guided by the hand of someone who seems completely untouchable in the gaming world: Yoshi-P.

Yoshida is credited with rescuing the MMORPG and making it what it is today, which makes sense considering he was lead on Final Fantasy Tactics, Vagrant Story, and FFXII.

All three of these games are known for their writing, all three are critically acclaimed, and all three laid the groundwork for the beautiful hell that is FFXIV: A Realm Reborn.

Now that you’ve been brought up to speed, here’s why this is the only MMORPG worth playing right now, and it’s a fun-as-heck, totally batshit nightmare.

FFXIV: ARR Is Overwhelmingly Fun

It fixes what’s broken with other MMORPGs, and then ramps the fun up to over 9000

In a nutshell, FFXIV: ARR optimizes what most other MMORPGs suck at, and does this in style. Not only is it beautiful, but cooperative play is encouraged across servers. Furthermore, there’s no more creating ten thousand characters just to try out a new class. Lastly, it effortlessly keeps you in a gameplay loop of three million different things to do, all of which are a wicked good time.

To start, let’s talk about how stylish it is. Call me shallow, but one of my key grievances about WoW and Elder Scrolls Online is that everyone is so goddamned ugly. We have the technology, there are no excuses.

With FFXIV: ARR, no more will you suffer this slight: the character creator is boss, and glamouring gear lets you be cute and powerful.

Hate the puke-green getup you got, but love the stats?

Time to dye it all pink, because reasons. This, too, can prove overwhelming because there’s just so much goddamn gear, and so much goddamn dye.

We stan a sassy, erudite, pink-wearing dandy Ninja, though.

Furthermore, you can hop servers if you want to join your bros in a different world, and party members can be plucked across world-lines.

Gone are the days where you just can’t find a party; many main story quests require them, and Square Enix does their best to make this as painless as possible.

For example, I get anxiety with dungeons because I don’t want to let people down, and I’m playing a very difficult class that’s easy to fuck up (there are so many bad ninjas).

However, FFXIV: ARR fixes this by letting you join a random party. Did you massively cheese a dungeon and everyone’s bitching in chat about how you suck ass?

Cool, you never have to talk to these goddamn people ever again.

Not only that, but gone are the days of making multiple characters to try different roles. Your bad bitch can be a mage and an archer, and they can even share cross-applicable skills at some point.

Here’s where the big-time overwhelm sets in: soon this leads to trying out each class in FFXIV, until you find something that you feel comfy with.

Maybe you’ll get lucky and the first one fits your playing style.

Highly unlikely, as no amount of guides can prepare you for something you have to experience first-hand.

I picked a very hard class to play out of sheer ignorance. I’m fucking serious. This is not a goddamn drill.

In order to not suck as a Ninja, you have to be a beast. The management of skills and resources is borderline psychotic, your defense sucks, and your damage relies on playing cryptic Street Fighter over and over again.

Yet I don’t regret it, it prepared me for the more difficult challenges ahead: deciding what the fuck to do out of all the fucking things you can do.

This, but the opposite.

In FFXIV: ARR, there are too many quests to count, ways to spice up your outfits, mini-game gambling, new haircuts, monster hunts, Big Boy NPC Guilds that have you slogging for benefits, the ability to hire platoons, several expansions that count as their own games, tons of dungeons, PVP, seemingly limitless maps, and ten thousand different ways to play.

Deciding what to do is the real Big Boss monster.

However, let’s ignore all of that for a second and assume you’re just starting out, and haven’t yet been overwhelmed by all the bloody options available to you.

You’ve got a solid character and you’re playing through main story quests.

Sadly, you soon realize your gear sucks, and paying for gear is nonsense when you can just become a blacksmith at any time…right?

You see where this is going.

FFXIV: ARR has a flawlessly addictive crafting system

It will 100% break your brain if you let it

Want Grand Company seals so you can get cool threads, unlock Hunts, purchase Ventures, and get promotions? Have fun with all this madness.

For those of you not in the know, I have executive functioning issues that can’t be easily treated. I hyperfocus on things like nobody’s business, and those things tend to be creative and ‘making/doing’ in nature.

There’s a reason why Atelier games often keep me up till 3:00am: I just have to make the shiny-shiny. It’s a hyperfocus compulsion, and the only panacea is starting and stopping in organic chunks.

Crafting is my greatest video game weakness.

I hit the common FFXIV: ARR noob wall of wanting better gear, but not being rich enough to buy it, so I asked the noob-friendly Free Company (guild) I joined which crafting class to start with, thinking it was ‘one and done’.

They said ‘all of them’, and I thought they were on drugs.

No, they were not, but I probably am for trying to juggle this all at one time.

To make any use of your crafting classes, each one needs crafted items from the other ones. This shortly becomes an exercise in madness.

At this point, my dandy ninja bloke could give Atelier Ryza a run for her money, and that’s saying something.

Suffice to say, the crafting system alone makes FFXIV: ARR quite literally an entirely new game in its own right, and you could spend countless hours mining, making weapons, and dicking around in the wilderness if you wanted to…which I have, like an idiot.

The point I’m making is that this MMORPG is very fun, has something for everyone, never truly gets boring (it’s impossible), and is irresponsibly addictive.

If that sounds like a good time to you, and possibly even something very welcome during the crappocalypse, keep reading.

If that sounds like it’ll steal your life essence, turn you into a zombie, and drain your bank account, walk away right now.

Ok, Kira, FFXIV: ARR sounds crazy fun. How do I get started?

Ooo girl, let’s get down to business.

Hopefully by now, you understand why FFXIV: ARR is overwhelming and irresponsibly fun. I’m cautioning you now that you’ll need to take breaks, slow down, and remember not to get too sucked in. Which is much to do harder than you’d think.

That being said, if you want to get started, the official website has a free trial going on. The free trial lets you play until level 35, with no time restrictions.

Keep in mind that free trial users can’t trade with others, and have other limited features. I tried to get my partner to play, crafted him some sweet gear, and he could use none of it. That’s a debbie downer.

In any case, you’re going to want to hit up the FFXIV subreddit for essential info on how to play this massively multiplayer online clusterfuck. I promise you it’ll help.

Next, it’s time to think about if you’d want to be a tank, a healer, a mage, or a fighter, and then try things out for yourself.

Black Mage has really high damage, so starting with Thaumaturge is a good choice for magic people. If you want to be a tank, Paladin is good, so start with Gladiator or Warrior.

Magic just isn’t my thing, fam. But it might be yours! The only way to know for certain is to try out a spellcasting class.

As far as healers go, the internet is divided, but you could start as a Conjurer to become a White Mage, if that helps (I don’t play healers ever, so my advice could be very wrong).

For damage dealers, your possibilities are basically endless, but there are obviously more technical roles to either avoid or embrace (Ninja = hard and helps party, Samurai = easier and more of a lone wolf).

Then, if you get really into it, think about beefing up your crafting classes, so you can make use of all the loot you get from monsters and dungeons. Be aware that they all hook together, so you can’t just start one and be done with it.

In conclusion: If you need a truly fun MMORPG, FFXIV: ARR is the best option

Just be aware just how monstrous of a game it is, and you’ll be fine

FFXIV: ARR is very complicated, and sometimes quite overwhelming, but it’s also a smashing good time. I’ve spent way too much time during lockdown playing it to be honest, but until the apocalypse chills out, this is a great game to play with friends from all over the world. It has everything.

If this seems like your jam, I’d suggest taking it slow and steady, and advise you not get hung up on being ‘good’.

You need to learn to walk before you can run, right?

If you ever want to party with an actually competent, pretty Ninja, hit up Niklas Voss on Balmung, and I’ll try my best to guide you on what little I know.

We can play together, and that’s what makes MMORPGs so great anyways, isn’t it?

See you soon!

Fancy Ninja, da da da da da da da

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